I saw it in my dream or future.
When I will put my gods to sleep.
Now’s not the time.
It’s too soon. Or way too late.
Now
They numb, gnawing my nerves stinging like pleasures.
They stroke, scraping their nails, across my surfaces.
They kiss, biting icy dry lips underneath my glosses.
I feel what they are doing.
I like it now.
But how does it feel
When they’ve finished chewing?
And what of the when that I already saw?
When now was swallowed. Swollen unknowable.
Mindfully rehabilitated. Soaking in lye.
When bleached of every evil.
But now’s not the time
When fighting for my murderers.
Now is the moment
When I can’t do without them.
Sleeping with the enemy
Vision of indecision.
That’s too kind. To myself. Blind.
It’s a paved road of refusal.
I’m losing hope
Now
When I accidentally dream my future.
Because I won’t do it.
When
Won’t come.
It’s too late.
Cindy Koch 