Cardiac Appeal

The ache
Heart beat
Off flutter stutter beat
Can you make it go right?
Can I make it go right?
again 

Heart aches protected 
Inside my own chest
Under my throat 
At the ends of my vein

I desire
to let it go 

But I require
to keep it calm

Squeeze wheeze tight 
my mind goes blank
tonight
Compressing the breath and vomit


Im-
patience

	for 
the

connection

Life surge bloody flesh pulsing
Flood the skin
Blood life dim

This muscle stirs the life
The skin
The blush
The rush
of hair follicles falling

At any moment, the source may stop 
The center will cease
Arrest the cramp. The clamp. 
The pump. Pool the blood.
Stop.

Communication and reciprocity and developing synapses 

Splay

Here I lay

         losing

the center of me

Arrhythmia excites
Flutters and impending doom
Clotting in intimate places
Do I even feel that I’m bleeding out? 


Clutch the breast
Seize the chest
Choke the moment
 
Stop. 

Dribble the flutter
Stop. 
                  the beatings

Paused





too long

The pulse that makes me live
Is the pulse that makes me hurt
Is the pulse that makes me fear my life

ER floors wear sticky, tricky math
Two sizes too small and not enough 
But my big heart will surely die
They'll learn to take advantage 

Breathings and beatings wasted on the living 
Since that’s the how when why my heart is crushed
That's where I drink with death

To breathe, is to beat, is to wonder
                              How many more beats this breath has left



In the previous episode, blood shoots though the veins
Arteries and tree of life, living and the livid 
These are the moments where folly dies
My moment now is when abundance ends

As the blood coagulates
Ball of scab
In the heart
Healing sealing 
Blockage

Holding on to the hurt
Make the clot mean something. 
My clot, the plug, the savior

The clot that grows new life
The clot that finds new death
The clot that cuts the flow
Holds the space
Slows the race
The clot that seals and heals

Stop. 

the blood leak
      tear leak
              soul leak

Still
My face feels still
Mirror check
Smile
I can't even smile anymore

                    on Tuesday

My heart hurts
I said to the emergency cardiologist

My heart hurts.
I said when I was a child

My head hurts
with nuance and lies

My heart hurts
I said to no body
while
rotting under responsibility

My head hurts
from spins, drops, and flips
your reputation precedes

My heart hurts
We need an EKG

My head hurts
unexpected impending doom

My heart hurts
You'll need an ambulance

My head hurts 
in memory of

My heart hurts
sweet scents in the darkness

My head hurt
from a final dark stare

My heart hurt
when there were no more brushes

My head hurt
in stop silent word

My heart hurts here
so I will never return

Since
I felt it again

Stop.

And I remember too much

My heart hurt 
again

In with and under 
the knot, the cannot, the will not


                  my heart

corazon

     my love

           amor 

orale pues.

Stop.

The cardiac appeal
felt ridiculously real

The hole in my heart 
was there from the start

ripped open again
electricity spun

Freedom 
from 
Heart ache
is 

Broken.

      to life




Broken. 

to death